


you've been hit by, you've been struck by

by crossroadswrite



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College, First Date, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, charity auction, in the fun way we don't angst in this house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 15:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16452578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossroadswrite/pseuds/crossroadswrite
Summary: “Sold!” Phichit shouts, banging the gavel they had scoured five different thrift shops for on the table. “To the gentleman with the big forehead!”In normal circumstances, Yuuri wouldn’t be this paranoid about going out with some guy, especially one as beautiful and charming as Victor Nikiforov. He’d be nervous and awkward because that’s just his normal state of being, but he would gladly loop his arm through Victor’s and let himself be guided anywhere Victor wanted to go.The thing is: Victor is a serial killer. Maybe. Probably.(for the prompt: “You bought me at a charity auction and you’re probably a serial killer”)





	you've been hit by, you've been struck by

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is part of the prompts I'm doing it's unbetaed folks!

“Sold!” Phichit shouts, banging the gavel they had scoured five different thrift shops for on the table. “To the gentleman with the big forehead!”

The gentleman in question slaps his hand to his forehead and looks offended. Yuuri really wishes Phichit wouldn’t provoke him, since Yuuri will have to spend the rest of the night with him.

“Please pay for your one spectacular night with our precious boy Yuuri, and remember! Your dates aren’t obligated to do anything besides being pleasant to you, and if they feel threatened or unsafe at any time they can leave,” Phichit says, still cheerfully, but there’s a certain edge to his voice that twists it into a threat, which is backed up by the two bouncers Phichit hired to attend the event.

_Hired_ , is perhaps a strong word. Phichit is friends with half of the bouncers in the city, most of them have sort of adopted him, so it wasn’t that hard to get a couple of them to stand around and look scary for three hours in exchange for unlimited access to food and drink.

“You have my phone number, yeah?” Kat – one of the bouncers – asks, when Yuuri climbs off the makeshift stage to go meet his… date.

“Yeah.”

“If anything happens, call or text me right away.  Did you turn the GPS on your phone on?”

“I did, don’t worry.”

“Good. I’ll walk you to him,” she says, and crosses her arms so her biceps are immediately visible.

In normal circumstances, Yuuri wouldn’t be this paranoid about going out with some guy, especially one as beautiful and charming as Victor Nikiforov. He’d be nervous and awkward because that’s just his normal state of being, but he would gladly loop his arm through Victor’s and let himself be guided anywhere Victor wanted to go.

The thing is: Victor is a serial killer. Maybe. Probably.

He’s certainly shady, and Yuuri has gathered enough evidence that even Phichit believes him. There’s clearly something wrong with Victor and Yuuri doesn’t want to find out what it is by giving Victor the chance to lock him up in his basement and skin him to make a bodysuit. Or something.

“Yuuri!” Victor says, smiling wide and waving enthusiastically, as if he didn’t just drop six months worth of rent on a night with Yuuri.

Further evidence that he’s probably a serial killer. Would any normal person waste so much on Yuuri? Absolutely not! Something shady is definitely going on.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks, offering Yuuri his arm, and by the gods it really is a shame that Victor is probably a murderous villain because he is so _handsome_. He’s the kind of gorgeous that instantly lowers your IQ the closer you are to him, because your brain starts struggling with the concept that someone as perfect as him exists.

Is Yuuri thirsty for a possible serial killer? Maybe.

“Yes,” he says, and feels very proud that he didn’t stutter.

“I expect him back in one piece Nikiforov,” Kat says, and flexes.

It doesn’t seem to faze Victor. He just smiles and says, “Of course!”

Yuuri loops his arm through Victor’s and tries not to go through the list of reasons why Victor is possibly a serial killer. He fails.

«»

**Ten Reasons Why Victor Nikiforov Is Totally A Serial Killer And Dating Him Would Be A VERY BAD Idea:**

  1. He keeps staring at my ankles and complimenting them. Definitely weird. Is he going to cut my feet off and put them on display in his murder basement? Why does he stare so much??
  2. That one time I ran into him at the super market and he was buying every single knife in the store and asked me if I thought a set was sharp enough and where he could get a knife sharpening set.
  3. He’s too pretty. Normal people aren’t that pretty. Definitely shady.
  4. That time I ran into him at the Laundromat and he told me his machine broke because he had overloaded it. Overloaded it with WHAT? Was it people? Oh god it was people wasn’t it? Also all his clothes had weird dark stains. Possibly blood. Very shady.
  5. He keeps telling me he wants me to meet his little friend. Which is creepy. I hope it’s not a knife or a gun or something.
  6. I once saw him drag a garbage bag down the street and he didn’t even put it in the dumpster, just threw it in the back of his car and drove off. I REALLY hope it wasn’t a dismembered body.
  7. Once he was emptying his bag at the beginning of a lecture, looking for a pen, and he pulled out handcuffs and duct tape out of it?????? Why?????
  8. He’s constantly using hand lotion. His hands have a lot of calluses but I don’t think he does anything out of taking classes? Why are they so callused? Suspicious!
  9. That other time I ran into him at the grocery store and all he was buying was fourty boxes of latex gloves and face masks and nothing else.
  10. The most suspicious: he’s interested in me. Why would someone as beautiful as him be interested in me? It makes no sense unless he’s interested in murdering me or something. Someone as pretty as him liking me is absolutely unbelievable. So he’s definitely a serial killer. There’s no other explanation.



«»

“Nervous?” Victor asks, putting a hand over Yuuri’s on his arm and squeezing.

“A little,” Yuuri says.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got something in the car that will help you relax,” Victor says cheerily as if that doesn’t absolutely sound like a threat.

Yuuri looks over his shoulder eyes wide and looking for anyone he knows. Luckily Kat is still standing at the door and watching them like a hawk. Yuuri really hopes she writes down Victor’s license plate, so they can track his car if Yuuri suddenly goes missing.

Victor opens the door, and Yuuri doesn’t even have time to be scared before he finds himself being tackled to the ground and… licked?

“Oh, Makkachin, no! Let Yuuri breathe, you’re going to hurt him,” Victor says, and pulls his poodle off of Yuuri allowing him to sit up a little. “I’m _so_ sorry,” he says, holding Makkachin back by the collar.

“Was this the thing to make me less nervous?” Yuuri asks, reaching over to pet the absolutely good dog.

“Yes! Isn’t she precious? This is my little friend, Makkachin. She’s been dying to meet you.”

His little… friend. Victor’s little friend is an absolutely precious poodle and not a torture tool. Huh. Unexpected.

“Hi, Makkachin,” Yuuri coos, gently scratching Makkachin behind the ears.

“I promise she’s normally much better behaved.”

“I forgive her,” Yuuri says immediately, because he’s weak. Also it’s a relief to know that the reason why Victor kept leaving the charity event was because he had a dog in the car and not because he was making sure he had everything set up to kidnap Yuuri. “Why did you bring her along?” he asks. “I’m not complaining,” he rushes to add. “I love poodles!”

Victor smiles and is… is he blushing?

“Ah, maybe I was a little nervous too?”

Possible serial killers have no business looking that cute.

But then again… Yuuri can’t see serial killers having such a loving and well-cared for dog, so maybe he’ll have to revise that.

There is now a possibility that Victor _might_ not be a serial killer.

“Can Makkachin come wherever you’re going to take me to?” Yuuri asks, feeling worried about leaving the doggo in the car for too long.

“Of course,” Victor says, raising back up on his feet and offering Yuuri a hand to get him up, which Yuuri takes with much less reserve than he should since there’s still a real possibility that Victor is a serial killer and all. He shouldn’t get too comfortable with him. “There’s a really nice park with restaurants that allow dogs in, I thought it might be nice.”

A public space where nothing murderous can happen? Unexpected.

“Sounds great,” Yuuri says, and goes around to get in the passenger side.

“Oh, do you mind taking Makkachin in the front with you? She doesn’t like riding in the back.”

“Not at all!” Yuuri says, maybe a little too quickly, and pushes his seat back a to make room on the floor for Makkachin, who completely ignores it and jumps onto his lap.

What a good dog. If Yuuri dies tonight, he’ll have died petting a truly good doggo.

 Victor gets into the driver’s seat and starts the car. Yuuri double checks that he has his GPS tracker on, and texts Phichit letting him know exactly where they’re going to go.

The car ride to the biggest park in the city is only about twenty minutes, which Victor fills with europop and by asking Yuuri as many questions as he possibly can, and telling stories about Makkachin.

“We’re here!” Victor announces, as they park. “Do you mind getting Makkachin’s leash off the glove box? She can go on walks without it but you never know if there are going to be any other dogs that might cause trouble.”

“Sure,” Yuuri says, opening the glove box and trying not to freak out over the fact that there’s a box of latex gloves inside as well as a set of unopened kitchen knives and garden sheers. Great. Fantastic. He’s going to _die_.

He clips the leash onto Makkachin with shaking hands, just as Victor opens the door for him, and steps aside so Makkachin can jump out, tail wagging madly.

Is Victor the kind of murderous psychopath who gets off on mental torture? Yuuri breathes out to steady himself, and assures himself that it’s fine, _this is fine_ , they’re in a public space and if he really starts feeling like Victor might be planning to turn him into a human bouquet, he’ll just call Phichit to come pick him up.

_Do it for charity_ , he reminds himself, stepping out of the car and following Victor into the park.

Now that he thinks better of it, this _is_ a really big park that backs up into a forest where anyone could easily get lost; where it would be hard to hear you scream for help while you were being murdered by an attractive Russian man.

Yuuri settles himself with the fact that Victor doesn’t attempt to pull him into any of those paths, going down the main one and asking Yuuri if he wants anything every time they pass by a food stand.

It’s late enough that the post lamps have been lit up and the fairy lights strung between them are starting to flicker awake.

“Wasn’t there an art exhibit this month here?” Yuuri asks, remembering reading something about it on a flyer.

“There is!” Victor says, sounding excited. “We’ll pass right through it on the way to the restaurant.”

There’s a square inside the park that is often used for exhibitions or fairs. This month, white walls have been propped up around and through it, making a sort of maze where artworks hang from.

Victor leads him through them with the confidence of someone who knows exactly where they’re going, and Yuuri wonders if he brings all his dates/potential victims here.

“The theme for this exhibition was _Bloom_ ,” Victor tells him, as they pass through painted canvases and worked wood and stained glasses and sculptures that range in colour but all of which have some sort of flower theme to it. Yuuri gets caught looking at a couple of paintings, slowing their pace down a little bit. “Do you like art, Yuuri?” Victor asks.

“Who doesn’t?” Yuuri says, tilting his head a little bit at a collection of small paintings of flowers that indubitably look like vaginas.

“All art?” Victor pushes.

“If it’s pretty or it makes me feel something, I guess.”

Yuuri has no idea when he started holding hands with Victor, but here he is now, being gently tugged through an art maze by the hand. He should probably let go, but, well, it feels nice. And Victor clearly knows his way around, so Yuuri should hold onto him.

That’s his reasoning for holding hands with a possible serial killer and he’s sticking to it.

They reach the center of the exhibit where what Yuuri assumes the centerpiece of the exhibition is and wow… that sure is something.

At the center there is a big cubic stand that must be in the least six meters long with columns on each corner and a square roof overhead. On top of it there are a variety of flowers inside soda bottles, jars, cans, and anything at all that can hold them, filling the center of the exhibit with a vivid burst of colour. It smells pleasant here, almost like a garden. But what catches the attention of any passerby aren’t really the flowers, but the very familiar knives hanging by strings from the makeshift ceiling, hovering over each arrangement of flowers and looking like they might fall at any second.

Yuuri looks carefully at the base structure until he finds a little plaque with the name of the artist.

_Victor Nikiforov_ , it reads.

“Was this what you needed all the knives for?” Yuuri asks.

“Yeah,” Victor says, and then leans closer and stage-whispers, “Want to know a secret?”

Yuuri turns his head, notices how close together they’re and immediately feels his face heat up. He nods a little, helpless to do anything else.

“I forgot I had to make a centerpiece for this exhibit because I spent too much time working on one of the side pieces, so I just did the first thing that came to my mind.”

“What’s the side piece?” Yuuri asks, keeping the same hushed tone Victor had used with him.

Victor absolutely beams. “Glad you asked!” he says and starts towing Yuuri behind him, through the maze of walls until they’re in front of a classic painting where a perfect rendition of Makkachin lays luxuriously on a chaise lounge, vases and vases of colourful bouquets of flowers surrounding her.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Yuuri says, disbelievingly. He can almost see each of Makkachin’s individual curls.

“Isn’t it?” Victor asks, sounding absolutely delighted. “I call it Art Doggo.”

Yuuri looks at Victor, completely speechless.

That is, without a doubt, one of the dumbest things he has heard. Yuuri has never found anyone more attractive than he finds Victor right now in his _life_.

“Are there more?”

“Not here, unfortunately. They always expect me to do something like that,” he says gesturing vaguely towards where the center piece is. “I just want to draw my dog.”

Victor Nikiforov is not a serial killer. Victor Nikiforov is the best person Yuuri has ever met in his life, and if it were possible to fall in love in ten minutes flat, it’s happening to Yuuri right now.

“I like your dog paintings.”

“Thank you!”

 So maybe Yuuri had jumped to conclusions when it came to Victor. Unless he’s the most devious villain of them all and is actually trying to lure Yuuri into a false sense of security with his cute smiles, and cute dog, and gorgeous face, so he can better steal his feet for his murderous trophy display.

Yuuri clears his throat a little and looks away from Victor.

“We should keep going.”

He’s still holding Victor’s hand, and lets himself be tugged out of the exhibition, Makkachin trotting happily behind them, sometimes winding behind Victor’s legs so she can come to Yuuri for pets.

If Victor really is a serial killer, it wouldn’t be morally wrong to steal his dog…

“Ah, Yuuri, your shoe is untied,” Victor says, and before Yuuri can really understand what’s happening Victor is passing the leash onto his hand, sitting down on a nearby bench and patting the space between his legs. “Give it here, I’ll tie it for you.”

Which is… definitely a weird thing, and not helping convince Yuuri that Victor isn’t going to take him back to his murder dungeon and cut off his feet to make a keychain. But still, he puts his foot in the bench and lets Victor tie his shoe for him.

Victor’s face is curiously red.

_Huh_. Yuuri wonders what would happen if he just…

He presses his foot just a little bit into Victor’s thigh.

The reaction is immediate. Victor squeaks and pulls Yuuri’s laces unnecessarily tight, his whole face red.

“All done, let’s go, let’s go!” he says, jumping up.

It’s not a murder thing. It’s a sex thing.

_H u h_.

Yuuri tries very hard not to laugh. He _really_ should revise that list he made at some point. He passes the leash back into Victor’s hand and holds his hand out, so Victor can take it. Yuuri promptly shoves both their hands in his pocket.

“Your hands are really cold,” he tells him.

“Ah, sorry. Bad circulation,” Victor says, looking a little overwhelmed.

Yuuri can’t believe he ever thought this man could be anything close to a serial killer.

“Victor?”

“Yes?”

“You need to lead the way.”

“Yes! Right! The way!” he says, turning away and starting to walk, pulling Yuuri along.

Now that Yuuri is sure Victor isn’t a serial killer anymore, he probably should get right on getting nervous that he’s on a _date_ with a ridiculously beautiful man – a ridiculously beautiful man who paid a ridiculous amount of money to take him out to dinner – but for some reason, at this point, he’s just so pleasantly charmed and hopelessly endeared that he can’t quite find it in himself to succumb to nerves.

Yuuri fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens Phichit’s chat.

**To: peaches**

»»nvm hes not a serial killer

»»also i might not go back home tonight dont wait up

**From: peaches**

««YUURI THAT’S DANGEROUS!!! YOU CANT KNOW FOR SURE AFTER ONE HOUR!!!

**To: peaches**

»»he’s just an artist with a cute poodle and a foot kink, I’ll explain later

**From: peaches**

««if u appear floating in the river feetless tomorrow morning I’m going to be SO ANGRY!!!!

**To: peaches**

»»I wont

**From: peaches**

«« YOU BETTER NOT! Have fun, be a slut safely!!! I love you

**To: peaches**

»» <3

**Author's Note:**

> the hot take i'm serving today is victor is kind of a dumbass and yuuri is a morosexual. don't @ me.
> 
> [tumbls here](http://crossroadswrite.tumblr.com)


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